After the death of her father, Mar Mar, a 36-year-old mental health lawyer in Surrey, British Columbia, was at a critical juncture. Marlowe says, “I saw that I had changed. He wants to give up healthy habits and make new ones.
“I wanted to stay away from the old me, I was full of frustration and anxiety,” he says. But as he tried to move forward, his friends grabbed him. When Marlowe was leading a healthy lifestyle, his friends preferred to drink and party.
As Marlowe struggled emotionally, his friends grew less and less, and he realized that now was the time to go.
“Friendship can have many causes for ill health. But Seattle-based psychiatrist Gina Handley Schmidt says, “Any friendship that contributes to our constant feeling of being ignored, devalued or disrespected.” Friendship: Creating meaningful, lasting adult friendships.
Shared signals are now on
As you change and grow, you can fit old friendships now. You may naturally move away or suddenly feel that you are in an unhealthy relationship.
Here are some hints that this may take some time.
You are not a priority. You will notice that your friend does not try to be with you. They may be difficult to reach or may not seem interested. Sometimes there are temporary reasons, such as if your friend has a new baby and is busier than before. But if you rarely feel the priority or if you think your partner doesn’t think you deserve their time, it’s best to move on.
You do not connect to the same level. Friendship works best when both people want the same kind of connection. If you want a deeper personal relationship but your partner doesn’t want or want the same thing, friendships can be stable and unsatisfying, Schmidt says.
You pay more than you take. Sometimes one needs more than the other. But if a friend is constantly taking and giving often, it is not a balanced friendship. If you’re always there for them but they don’t do it for you, it could be a sign to move on.
Your partner is disrespectful or mean. Healthy friendships provide support and confirmation. If your partner does not respect your feelings, it is an unhealthy relationship. Feeling anxious or negative about your friendship is a sign that it would be best to end it.
Your friend is dishonest or withdraws information. “Deep connections require trust,” Schmidt says. “And you have to be honest to trust.” If your partner is open or can’t trust the truth, your relationship will not flourish and can be a source of frustration.
You downplay your achievement. Some friendships are competitive. But if you stop sharing good news to avoid hurting your friend’s feelings, it’s a sign of jealousy. Good friends you want to be successful and you are happy when you do.
How to end it
You have some options if it’s time to end the friendship.
Let it go Some friendships dissolve on their own. This was Marlowe’s case. “Our friendship has come to an end. I canceled my meal plan. They stopped asking me to join them. We just kind of got lost over time, ”he says.
If you try to make plans but your friend keeps fading, friendship can be found when you stop trying.
Talk about it It is good to talk about why you are ending things because both people feel respect and can understand why the results did not come out.
If you have had a fight, it may be tempting to leave. But having a final conversation can be a good option, even if it’s hard to tell what happened or why the friendship isn’t working for you.
No matter how you end a friendship, try to respect the other person’s feelings, especially if your breakup is one-sided.
You can be honored if you are honest and determined, says Smith. Tell your friend why you’re leaving, but pay attention to how you report. Be kind and mature, especially if your partner doesn’t see you coming and feels hurt or embarrassed by your decision.
Can you be friends again
“Not all fellow breakups are permanent,” Schmidt says. “Sometimes, friends return to each other in different seasons of their lives.” As you grow older, you can change, reconnect, and build a healthy relationship later in life.
“The important thing is to be committed to finding and maintaining healthy friendships,” says Smith.